Travel Anxiety and Pontificating on My Marriage

/ Viv@Grief Happens

I am a nomad. I live and breathe any and every opportunity to travel the globe and immerse myself in new places and cultures.

Traveling is what makes me feel most alive.

At least I USED to feel this way.

I’ve been on adventure-travel hiatus since Piers and Wallace came on the scene, though I’m actively working to change that now that they’re getting older.

We have done a little traveling with the kiddos, but we do more stay-cays these days and have yet to attempt an airplane foursome. Soon…I keep telling myself.

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I spent most of my twenties convinced that there was a bigger and better something anywhere other than where I was.

I was a flight attendant pre-911, and I gallivanted to Europe, Asia, South America, nearly every state in the US and beyond.

When I wasn’t working a trip, I was researching my next vacation or using my travel benefits in one capacity or another. I loved airports, suitcases, inflight magazines, hotels, all of it.

Gil was different in our pre-kid life as well. He was content to go along on whatever harebrained, last-minute travel scheme I concocted, and more times than not, we had a rocking good time.

Things have changed.

Financial priorities have changed.

We have a mortgage and no travel fund.

But we manage.

We live near beautiful beaches, and no longer having a ticket to the world has forced me to get to know Coastal Georgia, Savannah, North Florida and the Carolinas, and I’m WAY better for it.

The Southeastern US is a gem. If you haven’t been here, put it on your list.

I always longed for faraway locales. I had more grand adventures than I can count, but I missed a lot of my own backyard so to speak.

I’ve learned to appreciate and get to know my native state and those neighboring it, and I doubt this would have happened if I still worked in the travel industry.

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This weekend we’re heading to DeWees Island near Charleston, SC.

We’re meeting our friends, Zip and Ani, and their kids.

I can’t wait…but I also can’t seem to get everything together and frankly, all the pre-planning that goes into traveling with four people is enough to keep me housebound for life.

After the kids left for school this morning, Gil was lollygagging and IN MY OPINION, packing unnecessary “necessities.” I mean, do we really need to take a french press and special knives?

We’re staying in a beach house.

For ONE weekend.

I’m pretty certain there will be a coffee maker and adequate chopping materials. I also don’t think we need to bring our teapot.

Sweet LORD, honey!! Is it too much to ask to keep it simple?

Here’s where my anxiety kicks in.

My plan for the weekend is to park it on the beach with Ani and a book and call it a day. The kids can play. We’ll do some activities at some point, most of which I’m hoping Gil and Zip can arrange.

I need chill time. Keeping up with Gil’s five-piece coffee press is gonna stress me out. And yes, I will be the one who has to keep up with it. If I don’t, I can be sure that when we get home minus one of the five pieces, I’ll have a charge to Amazon for another. Then THAT will stress me out.

I attempted to communicate my concern to Gil when I was trying to convince him that we could drink basic coffee for TWO mornings. I went on to tell him that I also have anxiety when we travel because I don’t want to fight. And since having children, anytime we leave our house for more than 24 hours, all hell breaks loose. I don’t want to do that this weekend.

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I’m off to pack.

I read through this post last night and then this one to remind myself what I DON’T want.

The trip from hell that I describe also involved family, which further fuels fights between Gil and me.

Zip and Ani recharge us, and we’re both in a better place emotionally than we were last June.

In “About Me” I describe my marriage as a practice, and I still approach it that way. The two of us continue showing up.

I used to travel from one place to another because I was convinced that somewhere else was always better. I did that with relationships, too. A family beach getaway is a far cry from our childless days jet-setting to Dublin and San Francisco with one roll-on suitcase and backpacks, and that’s okay.

In this moment, I’m looking forward to a conflict-free weekend. Okay, okay, I’ll settle for conflict-light. We can do this!

Wishing you all a beautiful weekend!

Do you have travel anxiety? Do you and your partner fight when you travel? What are your tips and secrets to success?

12 thoughts on “Travel Anxiety and Pontificating on My Marriage”

  1. When Mum’s travel, they’re still Mums; ‘Same shit, different location.’
    Last holiday I sat back and explained that I was on holiday too and did not appreciate everyone else leaving their belongings/dishes etc. everywhere as if a maid would clean up after them.
    That maid was me; always has been and it gives me the Shits! Now the kids are bigger, its pretty cruisy, but I still get anxious before trips(expecting the worst) and know I wont sleep as well and it wont be as much fun for me as everyone else, but that’s why I do it – because they LOVE it.
    Truth be told, I wanna stay here: at home, with my pillow, my kettle, my fridge that doesn’t shake the walls, somewhere to work out, to get my fave coffee; all my comforts. But if I didn’t get away sometimes, I’d be soooo guilty And I wouldn’t appreciate home quite as much. Or have new experiences.
    And that there is enough reason. See you somewhere out there in the great outdoors:)

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    • You are SO right. I wish I could not get so stressed out and roll with things more, but I really don’t like vacation anymore. I come home and feel drained. The weekend was good, other than the all-nighter I had to pull on Saturday when my youngest threw up multiple times. We survived and I’m back in the comfort of my own home.

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  2. Traveling with kids can be done – it just takes a little more prep. We up and moved to Finland for a year – six of us – myself, my wife and our four children. This has been the experience of a life time and we are so glad to have done it. I can’t tell you how many times people said we were crazy. Yes, we probably are, but then rational thought tells a person that it’s impossible to travel with four children. Screw rational – we are crazy and we love it. Have faith and hang in there.

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  3. I think certain personalities are more prone to anxiety when traveling. Some people (like my stepmom)are able to throw things in a suitcase the day they’re taking off, and others (like myself) have to prepare way ahead of time. I’ve been travelling cross-country every year since I was 8. You’d think I’d have packing down to an art, but I always pack too much, way in advance, and stress beforehand.

    I love that you were a flight attendant. I’d love to hear your stories. Here’s my little New-Age piece of advice: You’re supposed to focus on what you DO want, because if you focus on what you DON’T want, you’re bringing it into your consciousness and attracting it to you. Mind you I’m not able to do this, but all the self-help stuff I read says to do this! haha

    Good luck! Relax and enjoy!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dude, SO true about focusing on what I DO want rather than what I don’t. I’m a total self-help junk.E. Knowing and doing… If only I could learn to apply what know…

      Thank you for the reminder! Yeah, the FA stories — I could do an entire blog and devote it to just my travel days.

      Thank you!!! And forgive me for commenting here rather than there, but GIRL… The penis post. Stellar. I died ten times plus.

      Hope you’re doing well!!

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  4. We used to travel as well – pre-kids and pre 911. Now we can’t even seem to get to the beach. It’s a financial thing but it still makes me sad.

    One thing I realized when I was toting 4 little boys around from place to place on vacation was that I had to relax my standards just a little. So what it everything didn’t get packed – they have stores where we’re going. So what if the resort I picked wasn’t 5 stars as advertised – as long as it had a beach, amusement park, pool…whatever, the kids could care less. So what if their diet was shit while we were gone – it was VACATION for God’s sake,

    It really helped me to not be such a…well…you know and that meant I actually got to enjoy myself. I hope you do to – it sounds like an awesome trip even if the weather will be a little nippy this weekend.

    Have fun!
    Sherry

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    • Good advice. Overall the trip was good. We had a nice visit with our friends, but it was COLD!!!! I’m having post-vacation freak-out, but it’ll be okay. I’m kind of an anxious mess these days in general. Not sure what I need…

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