I always have a difficult time accepting awards. I think it’s my anxiety. I would rather hide. I also struggle with following rules, so there’s that. Still, I am ALWAYS appreciative of my fellow bloggers who take the time to recognize my blog.

First up, Decoding Bipolar nominated me for the Black Cat Blue Sea Award.

I always enjoy posts from this amazing writer and if you haven’t visited her site, I encourage you to check it out. It’s well-written, informative, with a good mix of researched information along with personal experience.

Decoding Bipolar posed the following questions for her nominees:

1. Name a character you identify with, and explain why. It can be from a book, film, TV, etc.

I find myself relating to characters who are tirelessly working to figure out life. I’ve been watching the third season of Transparent, and I see a lot of myself in the youngest sibling, Ali Pfefferman. There’s a lot of drive and a lot of pain. Ali is a grad student this season — Women’s and Gender Studies — which is what I studied in college; I even took a couple of graduate courses in the field. I see Ali wrestling with a lot of what I did learning about certain topics for the first time. I also relate to her loyalty towards her troubled family and her search for something greater than herself.

I happened onto the pilot of Ally McBeal yesterday and was reminded of how much I identified with Ally when I was in my twenties, struggling to balance a career and my love life. I still relate to Ally’s quirkiness and the way she strives to hold it together on the outside, often while falling apart on the inside.

Hmmm, that’s two characters — same name, different spellings. Is that a sign?

2. Why did you create your blog? What do you hope to accomplish?

I initially created my blog because writing is extremely therapeutic for me and I needed a safe space to share the overwhelming grief I was feeling after my dad’s death — grief that I thought I had dealt with but that came back strong after my father-in-law’s sudden death in 2010. Now, I write a little of everything and my blog is not solely about grief. It’s about life.

I hope to share my story, connect with other writers and possibly speak of my experience in a way that inspires and encourages others. I’m not especially goal-oriented at Grief Happens and can’t say I have any concrete outcomes that I hope to accomplish. I mostly write when I’m moved to do so, and the subjects vary depending on what I have going in my day-to-day. I need a space like this and I’m grateful that the contents in my head come out in a way that speak to others.

3. You are given a time machine that can be used once (round trip). What would you do with it?

I would go back to the red bungalow in South West Georgia just after my parents brought me home from the hospital. I would observe the first three months of my life with the hopes of gaining a better understanding of that time. My mother has shared a lot of her severe anxiety and depression with me, but I have always felt there is more to the story. Attachment theory has always interested me, and every time I studied it in college I had this overwhelming sense that a big reason my mom and I have such a challenging relationship is partly because I never developed a healthy attachment with her as my primary caregiver early on. I have a lot of anxious/avoidant tendencies, meaning I long for closeness but can’t exactly receive it even when she offers. Being around my mother is extremely anxiety producing for me, but I continue to go to her expecting to feel differently only to feel let down.

There are so many mysteries and secrets in my family that I’d like to unearth. I think that could be very healing.

I’m going to pass on nominating other blogs this time. I haven’t spent as much time as I like reading blogs lately, and the ones that immediately pop in my head don’t typically accept awards. I promise to spread the love in the future and will continue to highlight blogs that speak to me.

I do encourage you to check out Decoding Bipolar as well as her other site Accepting ADHD.

Thanks again for the nomination!