Happy Thanksgiving, friends! I suppose I should say Happy Belated Thanksgiving, but I’ve never been one to only celebrate on the day. We’re still celebrating at our house and will continue on through the weekend.
I hope those of you who celebrate enjoyed your time with your loved ones and had all the delicious foods that say Thanksgiving to you, and I hope you found plenty of moments that were full of PEACE.
I’m hanging out at home tonight. It’s me and the puppies by the space heater as it is COLD and wet in Coastal GA. Gil and the kids are in Atlanta, and while I miss them, I’m looking forward to celebrating together on Sunday.
In my last post, I dropped the news that Gil and I are separated. This was the first big holiday where we weren’t all together. Different, but overall it was good. They were happy. I got some work done and am looking forward to a nice lunch out with my boys on Sunday. No complaints from me.
This separation thing has been in the works for a long time now. I’m only just beginning to drop the news to more people, and while it IS time, let me go on the record and say that not telling the world has been the way to go. Everyone is different, but for me this has been a process, and I’m still not ready to share all the details with all the people.
Earlier today I chatted with a close friend, and while it was nice to out my situation to her, an hour or so later another friend texted to check in because she had talked to said close friend and wanted all the details. Sigh…
Now, while I am fine that my friend shared my situation with this other friend, I’m annoyed that I’m expected to drop the deets like I’m discussing something better suited for People magazine.
Just no. It’s not a gossip column.
I’m at peace with what’s happening, but please don’t confuse that with being thrilled and happy and ready to move on with my life. Gil and I are still very much entwined. It’s not a one and done deal. We are co-parenting two little people. That’s my priority at the moment, and for that reason these details are sacred.
AND, for that matter, I am sorry that you don’t understand exactly what the situation is, dear friend. You’re gonna have to be okay with that, and if you truly want to help then don’t bug me about all of this to make yourself comfortable.
Obviously, I’m a bit more miffed than I recognized at first. It’s a hard situation. I suppose I’d like people to be more aware of that in general, which is part of why I’m writing about it here
Co-parenting is a thing these days. Blame it on Gwyneth Paltrow and the conscious uncoupling that she busted out with a few years ago when she split with Coldplay lead singer, Chris Martin. Divorce isn’t what it used to be. People are evolving and truly working to do the absolute best for the children involved. AND, people can break up and not hate each other.
Which brings me to some of the resources that have helped me over the past year or so.
This is a part 2 because I promised, but really this will likely be an ongoing segment here because there are many many people I want to recognize.
First, however, is the book that is helping me get my financial life as a single mom back on track, and trust me when I say this – it’s gonna take some time and will be an ongoing process for sure.
The Kickass Single Mom by Emma Johnson (links down below) has been my oxygen mask ever since I read it and re-read it and listened to the audiobook, on and on and on. If you or anyone you know is in the process of figuring out divorce and all the moving parts, this is the book for you.
It’s hopeful, and I can’t stress enough how important hope is during this process. There are entirely too many people trying to fix it and trying to tell you about this therapist and that church group and how such and such has worked for them, and while most are well-meaning, and certainly there are things that might work for some…I have found that the concept of acceptance is lost on the majority.
I also think that this is another example of how I am simply differently wired. I’ve never been a girl who goes on and on and on about my personal life, so when I decide to talk about it, it’s a legit thing. I’m private. I’m in my head a lot doing all I can to figure situations out. I pray. I meditate. I’m queen of reflection. I might discuss bits and pieces with close close close friends here and there, but I am highly selective about who I choose to share the nitty gritty with.
But not everyone gets that about me, so they often think I’m looking for advice, and naturally people want to fix it.
This is what I love about Emma Johnson. She’s accepting of the situation. She’s real. And most importantly, she’s optimistic.
Listen. I’ve been married for 18 years. Gil and I met when I was 15 and he was 17. We’ve known each other for over 25 years. Ending this marriage has not been something I’ve done lightly. If it could be fixed, it would be. At some point, I had to make a difficult choice and call it a day.
Emma Johnson gets that like no one I’ve ever met.
In addition to her book, she has tons of helpful info on her website. She also has a YouTube Channel and a podcast. She’s real. She’s been through it, and she works to empower women and men as well. She knows the benefits of women being financially independent, and she knows the importance of parents working together for the benefit of the children.
I’ll drop all the links below because Emma Johnson will give you life if you or someone you love is dealing with divorce.
I hope all of you are able to focus on gratitude today. I’ve always been a huge believer in maintaining an attitude of gratitude, but honestly, I need to do better with the practice. I’ve been stuck in my head a lot lately, and it’s easy to lose sight of how much we have when going through life-altering circumstances.
Thanksgiving is an excellent time to bring back a focus of gratitude, which is exactly what I plan to do!
Links to check out: