Lately I love being alone in my house. Okay, who am I kidding. I’ve enjoyed this for as long as I can remember. When I was around eleven or twelve and my parents would finally let me stay home alone when my brother had baseball games or other activities, it was heaven. Peace. No expectations. No pressure to be productive. I could stare off into space and daydream away for hours.

Gil and the boys got up early this morning and took our boat out. I considered going with them, but I’m going over to a friend’s around two to watch the women’s French Open final. I didn’t want them to be rushed to get me back on time.

I had to take something to help me sleep last night. I slept great, but the medicine always makes me feel groggy for the first half of the next day. Still, I have to stay on top of my sleep. Even after water, breakfast, and caffeine, I don’t feel fully awake. I was spotty on exercise last week; I know more regularity in that department would help my sleep. That has to be a priority next week.

This past week was complicated. The newness of summer has worn off for my kids, and mood swings abound. Piers started summer football workouts, so he spent a lot of time being sore and grouchy and ravenously hungry. Wallace is on a mission to save his money for a very specific guitar and is realizing that his Snack Shack salary is not moving him towards his goal. I’m trying to be supportive, but frankly, I’d like to see him put his money in savings. He already has an acoustic guitar and a nice electric guitar. Why the urgency to get another one? I offered up some items he could sell online, but that always feels like such a hassle. Still, it occupied Wallace for most of yesterday, and I’m certain he can learn some helpful skills along the way.

I am struggling with motivation, particularly with writing and/or finding a job. I had pretty extensive knee surgery four months ago and am still recovering. I have always been an athlete and a regular exerciser, and simply an active person in general, yet I currently find myself more out of shape than ever. I do my physical therapy exercises for my knee every day, and since I have also developed some shoulder problems, I also do a shoulder PT routine. I went on a long walk last week with a friend, and I have a rower and an elliptical machine at my house – nothing fancy, just your basic $75 a piece Amazon equipment. I was a little slack with the rower and elliptical last week. Maybe that’s why I lack energy. I also think I was fighting a cold or virus. I had a slight cough and didn’t feel 100%.

I committed to playing tennis for an hour this coming Tuesday. I’ve hit a few times since my surgery, and I joined a tennis team for the summer as I’m trying to ease back into playing. We’ll see how it goes. I need to play some doubles to see if I’m ready for match play. As much as I enjoy playing tennis, I’ve realized how crucial it is for my social life. Being a transplant to Savannah, I don’t have strong friendships here. All of my friendships revolve around common interests. Gil argues that that’s just what middle-aged friendships look like. When I play tennis regularly, I am surrounded by a variety of women, many my age, some younger, some older. We talk about tennis, but we also talk about life, nothing too deep, but after years of these types of interactions, there’s familiarity, interest, concern. These may not be my very best friends with whom I share the deepest depths of my soul, but they are people I look forward to seeing. I care about them, and they care about me. I need tennis again for many reasons, and I’m ready to dip my toe back into the competitive element. I have to accept that I won’t be as good as I was pre-injury, but my game will return. I think I’m okay with that for now. I’ll let you know after Tuesday. It’s a struggle for the competitive athlete in me!

I’ve written more this week. Most days have started with free writing. Morning pages, per Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way. I’m getting back in the habit. I can sustain attention long enough to churn out some words, but my attention span hasn’t been great. I seem to flit from thing to thing and I need to rectify this habit pronto. As I attempt to help my teens learn healthy balance with technology, I’ve thought a lot lately about my own relationship with my phone, the television, music streaming, even books and audiobooks. I don’t engage deeply like I once did, and I want this to change.

Since the house was quiet this morning, I turned on music while I prepped my breakfast. We have an Alexa Show in our kitchen. Gil was insistent that we needed it last Christmas. I have mixed feelings. Anyway, Aerosmith popped into my head, so I said, “Alexa, play Aerosmith.” I like the randomness with which the songs play. I still need surprises in my life. It takes me back to when I was a teenager and would feel a rush of excitement when one of my favorite songs came on the radio. It’s not the same, but it’s similar in today’s instant gratification world.

Dream On was the first song that played. I love this song. It was written in 1973, but it feels timeless. I love the haunting intro. I love the lyrics. I love how it starts slow and dreamy and builds to rock ballad stature. I’ve heard that only some people have a visceral experience when they listen to music. I’m definitely one of those people, but lately even listening to music, I notice a numbness, a lack of reaction, a separation. I don’t feel the music like I once did. It’s the same with books. I don’t feel moved. Is that age? I actually don’t think that’s it. I do think listening deeply and reading deeply have to be intentional. We have to sit with something great intentionally without moving on to something else since so many things are vying for our attention.

It used to be much harder to create music than it is now. We often take that for granted today. My words make me feel like a crotchety old lady sitting on her porch in her rocker condemning the world as it is today, annoying people with all her well back in my days. I actually would not want to go back, and I’m beyond grateful for progress and technology. Still, I think there has to be balance. We can have varying interests, but I’m past the point where I can jump at every whim that catches my attention. I need to sit with words and lyrics and phrases, really examine what they mean and why they resonate.

What’s moving you these days?