After much pondering, going back and forth about the destiny of my marriage, I recommitted myself and chose to stay married to Gil and work out our problems. I didn't do so flippantly. I spent hours in therapy, prayed, meditated, yelled and screamed, cried, spoke with people I respect -- both married, single, and divorced. … Continue reading Marriage is a Lot of Work
life
Therapy Dilemma
I've been struggling with a situation recently, and I'm not sure what to do. Two weeks ago, I told my therapist that I was done with therapy; I thanked her, gave her a big hug and left her office. It was somewhat impulsive, and I hadn't fully decided to break off the relationship until I … Continue reading Therapy Dilemma
I’m Allergic
This is a conversation I had with Wallace, my three-year-old, as we were driving to school yesterday. We had to be there early so I could rush to my doctor's appointment at 8:45, so the boys were eating their breakfast in route. Me: "Wallace, did you finish your sandwich already?" Wallace: "No, I gave to … Continue reading I’m Allergic
Tell Me This Will Get Easier
I'm having a bit of a meltdown this morning. The reality is hitting me that I must file for a divorce and go through with it, but I'm so very afraid. I want to believe that I am strong enough to get through this, but I have so many doubts. In a perfect world, we … Continue reading Tell Me This Will Get Easier
Day 6 — Strattera Update
Day 6: 40mg Strattera around 11am After finishing the five days of the 20mg sample packet, I moved on to the 40mg. I'm not feeling great -- foggy and drugged. About thirty minutes after taking it, my entire family was annoying me beyond description. This might be a coincidence, but I'm afraid this med might … Continue reading Day 6 — Strattera Update
Prepare for the Crash
My therapist once told me that it would be a good idea to plan ahead for emotional tough times. This discussion was a long time ago, so I won't pretend to remember all the details, but I've put this somewhat odd concept into practice -- at least in certain areas. For example, I think I've … Continue reading Prepare for the Crash
Big Thing #2 – This is No Fairytale
I once knew a boy who could make everything okay. He could make me smile when the world felt too heavy. His presence provided a calmness that I couldn't explain. I was afraid that this wonderfulness was not real because it felt so other-worldly. We danced in harmony for a brief spell, and it felt … Continue reading Big Thing #2 – This is No Fairytale
No Simple Solution
I have so many thoughts floating around in my head these days, and I don't have a clue where to begin. So again, here's some randomness. Several years ago when I was finishing my undergrad degree, I only had two classes left to complete my Women's and Gender Studies emphasis. The problem was that I … Continue reading No Simple Solution
Pocket of Pain
I feel emotionally hung over after all the writing and pondering I did yesterday, but the drunken haze is starting to lift and like some of my hard-partying college days, I'm ready for another night on the town. Talking about my struggles is hard, but once I start, I feel this relentless urge to keep … Continue reading Pocket of Pain
Tough Topics
I've gone back and forth in my head trying to decide if I should actually dive into this topic on a blog. I'm finally at a point where I feel strongly that I must. It's raw and painful, and there is so much that's in the gray. I've ruminated to the point that I'm not … Continue reading Tough Topics
Grief Happens 