Good evening! Before I jump into today’s topic, I feel like I should share that I have unintentionally created a habit of writing my blog posts late at night just before I go to sleep. Not ideal. Or maybe it is. It’s cozy and quiet, and I enjoy the ritual of regurgitating some randomness from my day. Still, I think next week I will alter my schedule and carve out time earlier in the day to write.

Or maybe I’ll just get some red-light glasses. Sometimes I really dislike my squirrel brain. Anyway….

I have been blessed with many friends throughout my life. I have many interests. I’ve lived in different cities. I’ve had a lot of different jobs, and I tend to make friends pretty easily. I say this with gratitude, because I realize this is not the case for everyone.

That doesn’t mean that there haven’t been hiccups. Adult friendships can be challenging. People drift; priorities change. Maintaining friendships takes work, and frankly, at this stage of my life I keep my circle of close friends fairly small.

However, I am starting to realize that as my children become adults, I might actually have room in my life for more friendship, or deeper friendships. Maybe empty-nest Viv will be a better friend. Being a parent can be all-consuming at times.

Most of my current friendships that are local are work friends, tennis friends, neighborhood friends, and friends I’ve made through different volunteer organizations.

My tennis friends are people I see the most regularly. In fact, I am playing with three women at 8:30 in the morning who I consider to all be good friends. We’ve thrown parties and showers for each other’s children. They come to my kids’ music and sporting events. We’ve gone away for girls’ weekends. In other words, they are more than just people I play tennis with.

It’s rare that our schedules align where we can all play tennis together, so I’m looking forward to tomorrow. Two of the women work full-time, and the other two work part-time – I’m one of the part-timers. Because my schedule is not as hectic, I do my best to be flexible about when and where we play.

Here’s where I’m going with all this…

Two of the women have what I consider to be strong personalities, and at times they butt heads. Almost to the point if one says up the other says down. It can be a lot.

So, this evening on our text thread, we were finalizing tomorrow’s plans. I offered my neighborhood courts and suggested we start at 9:00. One of the strong personalities suggested 8:30 because it will be cooler and said we could play at her neighborhood courts because they’re shadier. Her neighborhood is maybe a mile from me, and I was sincerely fine playing at her courts or mine, and I was fine with 8:30. I only threw 9am out there because I thought the full-timers might want a little extra time on their day off. My last text to the group was:

I’m good with 8:30 at CB (the other neighborhood). It’s definitely shadier

I had other things going on and didn’t check the latest texts until around 8:00 this evening when I got a notification that the other strong personality had given my text a thumbs down. Oh boy… I thought. Here we go with the strong personalities.

This is a situation where I truly do not care where we play or what time. I’m looking forward to seeing all these women, and like I said, our neighborhoods are a mile apart. It is NOT a bit deal.

I scrolled up to see that I accidentally missed a couple of texts before I responded. Oops!

We’ll call friend 1 with the strong personality Parker and the other one Holly.

Right after Holly suggested her neighborhood because it’s shadier, Parker texted:

I would rather play in WP (my neighborhood). It’s closer for all of us. I’m fine starting at 8:30

At this point I just want to keep the peace, and I want Holly and Parker to get along and not ruin my good time. After tennis, we’re supposed to head to Parker’s to hang out by her pool, so I texted the group again:

Parker, I didn’t see your text when I responded earlier. I’m good with WP too. It’s not as shady but should be ok at 8:30. Whatever works best for y’all is fine with me. I’m just looking forward to seeing everybody

It was late when I last texted, so no one responded. I’m going to bed assuming that we’re playing in my neighborhood at 8:30am.

But the more I thought about it, the more Parker’s text annoyed me. I felt like she was speaking for Natalie (our 4th) and me by saying my neighborhood is closer for all of us. It is, but it’s NOT closer for Holly, even though we’re only talking about one mile difference. I kind of felt like Parker was putting her foot down and basically saying hell no, we are not doing what Holly wants. Remember how I mentioned if one says up the other says down? That’s the kind of back and forth that seems to always happen with those two.

I guess the other thing that annoys me is that because they behave this way with each other, I often find myself having to listen to both of them whine about the other one. There is no doubt that there will be a couple of side conversations where they’re each venting to me. And Parker will tell me that I let Holly have her way, when I simply do not care. If it’s something I feel strongly about, of course I will say what I want, but I prefer to pick my battles. A fun morning of tennis is supposed to be just that – FUN. I’m not going to war over where we’re playing.

I try really hard to always be diplomatic in my interactions. I have worked hard to set my life up in a way that brings me joy and peace. This has served me well. I’m calmer and happier than I’ve ever been, and I want that for the people in my life.

That said, when I arrive tomorrow, I’m snagging Natalie as my partner. Holly and Parker can fight it out between each other on their side of the court.

How do you approach friendship as an adult? Do you have any strong personalities in your friend group?