Once again I'm writing about my marriage. Things with Gil are not good. It seems I always come back to this. I've tried in every way that I know how, but I get discouraged when I look at him and know he has little ownership in our problems. He's made it clear over and over … Continue reading Should I Stay or Should I Go?
grief
March is a Beast
So much is running through my head today. In the last month I've been on the verge of a full-blown depression. I'm clawing and fighting to stay above the surface, but it's a lot of work. March is always hard. March 24 is the anniversary of my dad's suicide. Seventeen years ago, my mom and … Continue reading March is a Beast
Tell Me This Will Get Easier
I'm having a bit of a meltdown this morning. The reality is hitting me that I must file for a divorce and go through with it, but I'm so very afraid. I want to believe that I am strong enough to get through this, but I have so many doubts. In a perfect world, we … Continue reading Tell Me This Will Get Easier
Prepare for the Crash
My therapist once told me that it would be a good idea to plan ahead for emotional tough times. This discussion was a long time ago, so I won't pretend to remember all the details, but I've put this somewhat odd concept into practice -- at least in certain areas. For example, I think I've … Continue reading Prepare for the Crash
Big Thing #2 – This is No Fairytale
I once knew a boy who could make everything okay. He could make me smile when the world felt too heavy. His presence provided a calmness that I couldn't explain. I was afraid that this wonderfulness was not real because it felt so other-worldly. We danced in harmony for a brief spell, and it felt … Continue reading Big Thing #2 – This is No Fairytale
Pocket of Pain
I feel emotionally hung over after all the writing and pondering I did yesterday, but the drunken haze is starting to lift and like some of my hard-partying college days, I'm ready for another night on the town. Talking about my struggles is hard, but once I start, I feel this relentless urge to keep … Continue reading Pocket of Pain
Hard Questions
"Mom, is Grandmother gonna die?" I never cease to be amazed at the depth of my four-year-old. Geez, Kiddo. I'm furious with my mom. She knew I was reluctant to take my kids to visit my grandmother in the nursing home, but I caved under her relentless pressure. I was prepared to have this conversation, … Continue reading Hard Questions
Grief Happens 