I found out on Thursday morning that my closest friend is moving. I'm beyond upset. Ani and her husband, Zip, have been our best friends for the last four years. They have two girls who are like my own children; Zip and my husband, Gil, play together in a band, and I really don't know … Continue reading I Need a Vacation
life
March is a Beast
So much is running through my head today. In the last month I've been on the verge of a full-blown depression. I'm clawing and fighting to stay above the surface, but it's a lot of work. March is always hard. March 24 is the anniversary of my dad's suicide. Seventeen years ago, my mom and … Continue reading March is a Beast
Marriage is a Lot of Work
After much pondering, going back and forth about the destiny of my marriage, I recommitted myself and chose to stay married to Gil and work out our problems. I didn't do so flippantly. I spent hours in therapy, prayed, meditated, yelled and screamed, cried, spoke with people I respect -- both married, single, and divorced. … Continue reading Marriage is a Lot of Work
Therapy Dilemma
I've been struggling with a situation recently, and I'm not sure what to do. Two weeks ago, I told my therapist that I was done with therapy; I thanked her, gave her a big hug and left her office. It was somewhat impulsive, and I hadn't fully decided to break off the relationship until I … Continue reading Therapy Dilemma
I’m Allergic
This is a conversation I had with Wallace, my three-year-old, as we were driving to school yesterday. We had to be there early so I could rush to my doctor's appointment at 8:45, so the boys were eating their breakfast in route. Me: "Wallace, did you finish your sandwich already?" Wallace: "No, I gave to … Continue reading I’m Allergic
Tell Me This Will Get Easier
I'm having a bit of a meltdown this morning. The reality is hitting me that I must file for a divorce and go through with it, but I'm so very afraid. I want to believe that I am strong enough to get through this, but I have so many doubts. In a perfect world, we … Continue reading Tell Me This Will Get Easier
Day 6 — Strattera Update
Day 6: 40mg Strattera around 11am After finishing the five days of the 20mg sample packet, I moved on to the 40mg. I'm not feeling great -- foggy and drugged. About thirty minutes after taking it, my entire family was annoying me beyond description. This might be a coincidence, but I'm afraid this med might … Continue reading Day 6 — Strattera Update
Prepare for the Crash
My therapist once told me that it would be a good idea to plan ahead for emotional tough times. This discussion was a long time ago, so I won't pretend to remember all the details, but I've put this somewhat odd concept into practice -- at least in certain areas. For example, I think I've … Continue reading Prepare for the Crash
Big Thing #2 – This is No Fairytale
I once knew a boy who could make everything okay. He could make me smile when the world felt too heavy. His presence provided a calmness that I couldn't explain. I was afraid that this wonderfulness was not real because it felt so other-worldly. We danced in harmony for a brief spell, and it felt … Continue reading Big Thing #2 – This is No Fairytale
No Simple Solution
I have so many thoughts floating around in my head these days, and I don't have a clue where to begin. So again, here's some randomness. Several years ago when I was finishing my undergrad degree, I only had two classes left to complete my Women's and Gender Studies emphasis. The problem was that I … Continue reading No Simple Solution
Grief Happens 