After much pondering, going back and forth about the destiny of my marriage, I recommitted myself and chose to stay married to Gil and work out our problems. I didn't do so flippantly. I spent hours in therapy, prayed, meditated, yelled and screamed, cried, spoke with people I respect -- both married, single, and divorced. … Continue reading Marriage is a Lot of Work
marriage
I’m Alive
I woke up this morning and decided that I'm ready to blog again. I went on an unplanned sabbatical and stayed a bit longer than planned. I think bullets are in order.Marriage -- oh, where to begin. Gil and I survived the holiday chaos and made it through stronger, or so I thought. The past … Continue reading I’m Alive
I Hurt Too Much to Blog
Typically, writing is healing for me, but lately it just feels like one more thing to do. I've been surviving each week by focusing on my kids and staying busy. I just don't want to be still long enough to feel the pain. I'm a big believer in working through difficult situations, but I'm trudging … Continue reading I Hurt Too Much to Blog
Tell Me This Will Get Easier
I'm having a bit of a meltdown this morning. The reality is hitting me that I must file for a divorce and go through with it, but I'm so very afraid. I want to believe that I am strong enough to get through this, but I have so many doubts. In a perfect world, we … Continue reading Tell Me This Will Get Easier
Strattera Update — Days 7-10
Day 7-10: Strattera I've been on 40mg all week, and I feel like shit. Is it the medication? I honestly have no idea, but I suspect that it's circumstantial. I'm on week five of Gil traveling. I don't miss him, but I do miss having another adult who parents our children -- not that he's … Continue reading Strattera Update — Days 7-10
Day 6 — Strattera Update
Day 6: 40mg Strattera around 11am After finishing the five days of the 20mg sample packet, I moved on to the 40mg. I'm not feeling great -- foggy and drugged. About thirty minutes after taking it, my entire family was annoying me beyond description. This might be a coincidence, but I'm afraid this med might … Continue reading Day 6 — Strattera Update
Highlights From Hell — I mean, Home
So much to post, so little focus. Bear with me. I've spent most of the week at Mamala's. I'll try to sum it up briefly. The following quote pretty much says all I can say at the moment about the trip and my relationship with my mom: "Honey, you really must look at the bright … Continue reading Highlights From Hell — I mean, Home
More Big Stuff
I've had a week -- birthday parties, another visit from Mamala, more marriage strife, and a wretched cold. So, I'm eating walnuts, drinking wine, and doing my best to form coherent sentences. My husband is a financial idiot. Oh, he's smart, but I now know that when we were young sprouts existing in a passionate … Continue reading More Big Stuff
Big Thing #2 – This is No Fairytale
I once knew a boy who could make everything okay. He could make me smile when the world felt too heavy. His presence provided a calmness that I couldn't explain. I was afraid that this wonderfulness was not real because it felt so other-worldly. We danced in harmony for a brief spell, and it felt … Continue reading Big Thing #2 – This is No Fairytale
Tough Topics
I've gone back and forth in my head trying to decide if I should actually dive into this topic on a blog. I'm finally at a point where I feel strongly that I must. It's raw and painful, and there is so much that's in the gray. I've ruminated to the point that I'm not … Continue reading Tough Topics
Grief Happens 